Well yesterday was our first MS walk. I was pretty emotional that day, I teared up a lot. A couple reasons...
1.Matt couldn't make it.
His nightmare trip back home from a week in Florida for work (all meetings no play). Ending up resulting a major storm which stopped him from flying out of Chicago and he had to spend a night on a cot with 200 other people in the airport.
I knew he couldn't do anything about it, but I was still shaken and just felt like I wasn't read to do this on my own. I NEEDED him by my side as one of my cheerleaders.
2. It was my first official "event" where I was recognized for having MS.
I don't why, but that kind of shook me. I guess seeing this event put on for people who suffer was very emotional for me. Wow, I am one of these people.
I have Multiple Sclerosis.
For so many years I have suffered with a nameless problem, but now that it has a name, and a big walk to go along with it, well, it seems so real. A little too real frankly.
3. The support of my friends.
My team (Team Blood Flow) and their children decided to take a chunk of their day to spend with me, simply to walk and cheer me on. This meant so very much to me. And I really did need them. At one point the walk was tough. The walk is a total of two miles. After about three quarters of the first mile, my legs began to feel pretty weak and tired and all I wanted to do was sit down.
I thought to myself,
"what the heck!? I can't be getting tired YET!!"
But usually I can give my legs a good rest between stretches of walking, or at least stop when I am shopping to give my legs mini breaks.
I was very unprepared at how quick my legs became weak and this was a lot tougher emotionally than I had expected.
I felt so weak.
But inside felt strong, and my leg strength wasn't cooperating with the rest of my progress.
So down streamed the tears as I kept trudging on.
My friends picked up on that I was getting slower and slower and all of them dropped back and encouraged me to the 1 mile rest stop. At the 1 mile mark there was a rest place to get water and snacks. All I could think of was where the heck are the benches!?
We have MS people!! I NEED TO SIT!!!!
So I just plopped on the ground my legs tingling like mad and screaming with fatigue. Thankfully they didn't hurt though.
As I sat there I started to feel crushed, so through my dark sunglasses, I let the tears swell.
Honestly all I wanted to do at this point was just morph myself back to my couch and have a good old self pity cry.
But again my friends quickly picked up on my mood, and kept talking about how far I had come since last year. They were right, there was NO WAY, I could of done that walk pre liberation treatment.
I know I am impatient. And my brain remembers how Dr. Arata said post surgery that it would take a long time for my legs to get stronger and to not see this as a set back...
I know this.
But I still didn't want it to be the case.
So we started the second mile trek back to the finish line and went even slower if possible than the first mile.
There were two other ladies that were slower than me.
I thought,
"Come on! I am considered minor in the MS world, why am I bringing up the rear here!?"
I should be leading the pack! Screaming
"Wooh hoo CCSVI!!! Look at me GO!"
So again, my friends came to my aid and consoled me that not too many MS people are able to do the 2 mile walk and most are walking for other people, so I should be very proud of myself.
So....
I guess I am.
Even if it takes some time to get there.
Maybe next year I can lead the pack...
1.Matt couldn't make it.
His nightmare trip back home from a week in Florida for work (all meetings no play). Ending up resulting a major storm which stopped him from flying out of Chicago and he had to spend a night on a cot with 200 other people in the airport.
I knew he couldn't do anything about it, but I was still shaken and just felt like I wasn't read to do this on my own. I NEEDED him by my side as one of my cheerleaders.
2. It was my first official "event" where I was recognized for having MS.
I don't why, but that kind of shook me. I guess seeing this event put on for people who suffer was very emotional for me. Wow, I am one of these people.
I have Multiple Sclerosis.
For so many years I have suffered with a nameless problem, but now that it has a name, and a big walk to go along with it, well, it seems so real. A little too real frankly.
3. The support of my friends.
My team (Team Blood Flow) and their children decided to take a chunk of their day to spend with me, simply to walk and cheer me on. This meant so very much to me. And I really did need them. At one point the walk was tough. The walk is a total of two miles. After about three quarters of the first mile, my legs began to feel pretty weak and tired and all I wanted to do was sit down.
I thought to myself,
"what the heck!? I can't be getting tired YET!!"
But usually I can give my legs a good rest between stretches of walking, or at least stop when I am shopping to give my legs mini breaks.
I was very unprepared at how quick my legs became weak and this was a lot tougher emotionally than I had expected.
I felt so weak.
But inside felt strong, and my leg strength wasn't cooperating with the rest of my progress.
So down streamed the tears as I kept trudging on.
My friends picked up on that I was getting slower and slower and all of them dropped back and encouraged me to the 1 mile rest stop. At the 1 mile mark there was a rest place to get water and snacks. All I could think of was where the heck are the benches!?
We have MS people!! I NEED TO SIT!!!!
So I just plopped on the ground my legs tingling like mad and screaming with fatigue. Thankfully they didn't hurt though.
As I sat there I started to feel crushed, so through my dark sunglasses, I let the tears swell.
Honestly all I wanted to do at this point was just morph myself back to my couch and have a good old self pity cry.
But again my friends quickly picked up on my mood, and kept talking about how far I had come since last year. They were right, there was NO WAY, I could of done that walk pre liberation treatment.
I know I am impatient. And my brain remembers how Dr. Arata said post surgery that it would take a long time for my legs to get stronger and to not see this as a set back...
I know this.
But I still didn't want it to be the case.
So we started the second mile trek back to the finish line and went even slower if possible than the first mile.
There were two other ladies that were slower than me.
I thought,
"Come on! I am considered minor in the MS world, why am I bringing up the rear here!?"
I should be leading the pack! Screaming
"Wooh hoo CCSVI!!! Look at me GO!"
So again, my friends came to my aid and consoled me that not too many MS people are able to do the 2 mile walk and most are walking for other people, so I should be very proud of myself.
So....
I guess I am.
Even if it takes some time to get there.
Maybe next year I can lead the pack...
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