Reality Punching Hard

Disclaimer: This isn't a pity post: I just want to document my journey, good and the bad.

It has been 11 days since I was diagnosed and I think at about 1 week it hit me.

I don't want to be in a wheelchair.

I REALLY don't want to be in a wheelchair.

Then I started to cry and I haven't really stopped since.

I think it sunk in...
and it hit really hard.

I got a cold or something too
so that is probably compounding the problem because a regular cold feels like mono for me. So I spent a lonely last 4 days in bed.

Thinking.

My happiness and peace over the diagnosis lasted a big 7 days.

Big woop.

Now I am Devastated.
Scared.
Confused.
Angry.
Alone.
Frustrated.
and find new ways to hide tears from my kids.

I have pleaded to my Heavenly Father to guide me to ways to help myself in this journey.

It could be the recent loss of complete feeling in both my heels.
When I walk I can't even feel the carpet when my heels touch the ground. Eventually people that end up in wheelchairs, their legs become so numb they have no other choice.

I want to have a choice.

to not end up in a wheelchair in my 30's.

So as I mentioned to a friend the other day.
If I have to eat tree bark and sap everyday I will do it.